i've been silent for awhile...i know, it's unusual

and this will be short, as i am dealing with things that can't be described adequately with words

so...today's thought

while i may doubt and second guess myself all the time....God never has and he never will....
while i may get frustrated and angry with myself for not getting things right the first time....God never has and he never will

and that goes for you too....the end

not forgotten

where are you God? Why don't i have time to breathe anymore? i thought you said you'd bless me, i thought you had plans for me, did you forget?? did you change your mind? Where are you? why don't i have any friends STILL?? Why am i slipping back into my old habits? Why didn't you give me the perfect job? I thought you'd be here, where are you?

that was me during the last 9 days or so...maybe even before my last blog....God blessed me with a 3rd job and i was estatic, FINALLY some money....but then all of a sudden, i didn't have any energy, i didn't have time to breathe, to live...i still didn't have any friends and missed church a few times; soon i didn't have time to read the bible any more...then i regressed into someone i had hoped was long gone...my language suffered, my mind suffered, my attitude changed...joy became less and less apart of me and i became angry easier....whoa whoa whoa...all of this in the last 9 days??....no, it's been accumulating i think and i just noticed it.....sunday ish

what happened?? Where did God go?? ......oh keitha, you and your stupid questions

but seriously that's what i thought up until...mmm....now.....i knew in my head that God hadn't gone anywhere but my soul surely felt alone and far from its creator and it couldn't figure out what it had done wrong (the dichotomy betwixt mind/heart/soul is so funny....of course your mind can know something, but until your heart and soul know it too, it's like trying to put a magnet on something plastic...it doesn't stick)....

a few days ago i was really frustrated and was writing in my journal (as i am wont to do on occasions), well actually, i was complaining in my journal, and it hit me..."keitha, don't blame me for this valley, i haven't left your side for a moment".....

oops, sorry God...i put the blame on the wrong person....again...it's so easy to think yourself exempt from everything...taking responsibility for you own actions and seeing how the consequences are your fault is tough and often, i often overlook my part in situations...yeah boo human nature

*ahem* but now onto the body of this piece:

if something doesn't happen right away, i tend to think that ppl either A) forgot about it or B) decided against it.....for example: someone wants to make plans to do something with me and at first it's like "YEAH we totally should"...but then they don't mention something for awhile and then i think "ok they forgot or just don't want to anymore....no big deal"...i'm the type of person that plans, writes myself notes, and likes things to happen...mmm...NOW or as close to now as is possible (or to the planned date)...lol yes, my punctuality and hatred towards all things late is well known in my group of friends....(sigh) sorry guys, i really am working on this....i allow myself to only be 5 min early for work and if i see that i'm leaving earlier than i should...i make myself wait till the correct time....yeah i know, it needs more work

but anyways...so with that being said (it's redundant i'm sorry, i honestly think i mention something like that in every blog...lol but moving on) i KNOW that there's something planned for me...i've been prophesized over and ppl have told me their thoughts and yes, God has spoken to me many times about this "plan" and the gifts that i have that were designed for it... but quite frankly i was/am beginning to think that God not only forgot and/or decided against it...but that he was starting to forget about me....like i was one of those prototype droids that were too cost inefficient and thus disbanded....(lol yes i just used the word "droid")...see, nothing has happened to further this plan (yes i have somewhat of an idea) but it seems that ppl are living their "God-dreams" and are learning things and becoming more equipped for their mission and here i am in WV working 7 days a week and not even able to go to a normal sunday morning church service.....how is God supposed to use me like this?...i'm not connected with other believers, i haven't heard a sermon in two weeks, and i'm becoming *gasp* somewhat of an introvert......

anyways so there's a taste of my thoughts....but the real reason for writing this long winded post is this....the theme for this summer

"I am Here"-God

yep that's it...He hasn't forgotten about me, He hasn't left me (or any of you who feel/felt similiar to me)....it is I, rather, that have gotten distracted and have taken my focus off of what I know.....i got so distracted by the questions that i lost sight of the fact that those don't matter...the question "when?" has no meaning to me b/c idk when, but i do know that "the plan" will take place sometime and that during this time i'm to be diligent and to be staying FOCUSED on what i know and that is this:
-He has a plan
-He loves me
-He's my refuge
-He hasn't forgotten me and never will
-He is here...always
-He will take care of the "how" and the "what" and the "who" and all those other annoying questions concerning my future...i just have to give it all to him and realize that i can't do anything without his guidance

hmm have i said more than half of that before?? yeah probably.....sorry, redundancy is the way i learn so it's the way i seem to blog....life is cyclical for me and i find it rather annoying :-P but well...that's how it goes

the end

An Ode to Men

what's this?!?!?! this can't be keitha's blog...she must have given it to some boy-crazy twit...keitha would never write anything resembling an...ode...to MEN, of all creatures

*ahem* message from the author.....calm down, it is me, and i am writing this

now that the feelings of astonishment are out of the way, yes, i am writing something that is filled with praise towards none other than my guy friends and to other women's guy friends whom i don't know...they deserve praise too

this blog hasn't sprung from any accusatory conversation that i've had with a male, i actually have never had one of those...but, being alone and nearly friendless for the last few weeks, i've had lots of time to think and this is one thing that i've realized...i often come off as completely anti-male and, as a result, seem very angry/bitter when it comes to matters with the opposite sex *GASP* I KNOW!!! this is a completely new revelation for me too lol j/k...i've actually known it for forever :-P but it never hit me like it did a bit ago

to begin....i hate it, absolutely LOATHE it, when i'm categorized and stereotyped into some derogatory "woman" group..."femi-nazi", "liars/cheaters/all around beyatches".... you know the type....women villians in hollywood portray these women...they're conniving, lying, piles of plastic and makeup who only want to sleep with you and then leave you for your best friend...OR they're the women who hate men and wish all of them dead and/or locked away and only used for breeding purposes.....but anyways, so i hate woman stereotypes because nobody knows what has gone on in a woman's life to make her like she is.....i view most mean/grouchy women as misunderstood, hurt, needing a friend, a shower, SOMETHING to make her feel beautiful...

with all this said, i find myself doing to men the same thing that i hate....grouping them, stereotyping the crap out of them, and then dismissing them as fiends....that's all they do to us so they deserve the same treatment right??...WRONG WRONG WRONG.... (sigh) and i've done it soo many times and i'm sorry and i'm trying to eliminate that from my speech

My guy friends don't fit into any of the stereotypes...i mean, they enjoy bathroom humor, they notice beauty before talent or intelligence, they can be competitive and obnoxious...and look what i'm doing again...see how easy it is?? lol

ok like i was saying...my guy friends DON'T fit into the stereotypes....they are Godly men who respect women, who, granted, have their annoying tendencies, BUT women have similiar, if not the same, ones.....

basically this blog is to say thankyou to all my guy friends....i wouldn't be friends with them if they were typical male fiends, i just wouldn't....so thanks guys for opening doors, giving me shotgun, treating me like an equal, listening when i talk, and waiting until after i've left to laugh at me :-P....thankyou for respecting women and for not cracking your male-humor jokes (or at least trying not to) when i'm around...thankyou for being the type of men that i would be proud to let any of my female friends date (and while this may seem creepy...it's not b/c i'm UBER protective of my gurl-friends and tell them if the guy they're dating is a slob/no good, etc etc....and saying that you measure up is a big deal :-P)

and to all those guy friends that i don't know.....keep up the good work

men aren't really that bad at all....in fact, i often get along better with men than with some women.....men aren't as shallow as women tend to be and while they're really big on the issues of respect and being right :P....women seem to breed social drama and develop grudges that will last a long time, really quickly....both genders have their tendencies that can be annoying and don't make sense but well.....we're human and that, in itself, is annoying :-P

so there you have it.....i always will have a slightly feminist attitude i think :-P BUT just know that when i crack anti-male jokes and slyly stick them into a conversation.... i'm joking and mention it because i find gender relations fascinating and humorous.....if there weren't men i would be miserable b/c i love youguys...i love hanging out and chatting and poking good-natured fun at you

so there you have it....thanks a million guys, i often take you for granted and will try not to do so in the future....b/c i'm finding in my many jobs and work experiences, that some men are slobs and don't know any better, but you, my gentlemen friends, are a cut above the rest :-P

the end

royalty or otherwise

this morning was the first time ever that i went to work instead of to church on a sunday.....i didn't like it....in the last few days i've really struggled with the fact that i have no friends here, i know my neighbors and they're great, i know equally great coworkers...but i don't spend excessive amounts of time (by that i mean more than...30 min) with any of them on a regular basis...and i'm the type of person who loves being around people that i care about; true, if i spend TOO much time around them then i need a small period of hibernation, but on a whole, my soul is nourished when i'm around others that i care about and who love jesus just as much as i do.....this is why i've been wilting lately...oh yes, i've been emotional and have eaten more food than i physically thought possible...those of you who know me really well know that well, for the most part, my tear-ducts exist merely for eye-cleansing purposes, they're rarely used for crying; but during the last few days i've cried over tv commercials, parts in movies that aren't supposed to be cried over, and just randomly while driving to and from work...i know, i need some friends here, and fast....this whole "living alone in an empty house thing" isn't my cup of tea

but anways that really had nothing to do with the overall post :-P (sorry) but it was more of a "hello this is what is happening in case you miss me and are wondering" and it gives the reason for why i went to a random church service tonight in a church that i've never been to before....i was sooo starved for christian companionship that when i saw that this church had an evening college service i emailed a link given on their website, found out that it didn't extend into the summer b/c their college student population dropped drastically, but went anyways to the other evening service that they offered,there was around 20 ppl there b/c it's memorial day weekend and i was the youngest one but anyways...the sermon is what got my attention...lol yes, here is my message, finally

tonight the speaker spoke on the fear of God, something that i hadn't put too much thought into recently...often i prefer to think about the facets of God that i like, the ones that bring a warm, fuzzy feeling and make me feel safe....God is love, God is my refuge, God forgives all sins, God has a plan, God thinks i'm beautiful...etc etc...but tonight i was hit with a facet of God that i often neglect to acknowledge...God is my king

so...i've heard that from kindergarten up....*insert child voices singing* "He is the king of the Jungle, He is the king of the Sea, He is the king of everything, and He is the king of ME"....ok so that was a song we sang...lol and it had clever motions and was fun but i often don't think of God as a real king...not as what i've seen kings to be...i often think of him as more of a professor, complete with a white beard, glasses, pipe, crow's feet, and a scholarly looking sweater....but no, God is a King Arthur figure complete with white horse and huge sword (j/k that might not be an accurate picture) BUT he does have a huge throne that he sits on...so there

i'm getting sidetracked, let me just copy from the notes i took....lol that might stop the ramblings and verbal images...*ahem*....and..go...

-Never forget who God is, and who you are....when you pray, you are coming before the creator and ruler of the universe, the all powerful God who controls all things and STILL wants a relationship with you...Never forget that he hates all sin and views it all on the same level, he wants you to truly repent and turn away from whatever it is that's distracting you from him....he doesn't "let things slide" or "let things go b/c he loves you", there are consequences to everything....Never forget that God is in control....You are the clay and HE is the potter; he shapes you, you don't get to give advice (that's in romans somewhere, i just read it last night or something but can't remember the verse)...you don't cajole him into doing your will, you do his...you change your plans, don't make him change his

The fear of God isn't about living in terror of being struck by lightning or being "non-blessed" and/or shoved away from the heavenly throne...it's about changing the way we do things...instead of "fitting God into our schedule", we should completely revolve our schedules around him......instead of "leaving him in the car" (of course he's not literally there) when we go to work or out with friends or otherwise, he should be attached to us by the hip...instead of making plans and then asking him to bless them, we should wait for him to make the plans and then follow them....

see, lol i have a hard time with that last one b/c i feel that i'm more efficient than God lol...i get things done and get to places in a timely manner and when he's at the steering wheel, we seem to hit every single red light and/or get stuck in bumper to bumper traffic for hours....lol i take a direct route and he takes a scenic one.....and for some reason, yes, i'm in a hurry, and i don't know why...lol some ppl are slow movers and think about things thoroughly, i, however, get things done and work by impulse... lol it hasn't worked out for me as much as i would have liked it to but that's neither here nor there...

What really struck me the most, besides all those things which stepped on my toes a bit, was that while God is our redeemer, friend, refuge, savior, etc etc...he is also our King and we should be in complete awe of him...often i find myself treating him like a waiter rather than a king...."hey God, umm... can you bless this decision that i haven't prayed about yet...i just thought it'd save time for me make it and then have you bless it real quick like, and while you're at it, umm...i need some money because my friends and i want to go see that movie that you probably won't like...oh yeah and i'm coughing today so if you could get to that too, that'd be great".....and while, he does care about the little things like money and sickness....he also deserves to have me asking "what can i do for you today God?? what do you want accomplished?? who do you want me to reach out to today?? where can i use my gifts?? You want me to be uncomfortable for a bit??...ok i can do that...anything for you King Jesus...anything for you"

the end

Refuge....where??

i've been here over a week...9-10 days to be exact and things have been great and not-so-great and everything in between

basically i know two things 1) i say basically WAAAAY too much and 2) God is my refuge and always will be

it's so easy to become busy...especially when you're moving into a new place and have two jobs (soon to be three) one that you like but stresses you out and one that takes you away from your fav part of the week...sunday mornings (sigh).....and along with the busyness comes fear of the unknown, doubt in your abilities and in your current decisions, anxiousness about what happens next, and lonliness caused by having no friends here....and all those negative feelings tend to consume you when you're busy and have no time to sit and think about how much you've been blessed....

but guess what?? Nothing can separate me or you or anyone from the love of God....nothing, not even busyness...not even doubt or fear or anxiousness or lonliness....His love surrounds you and me and frees us from all those stressful things

i tend to forget simple, basic truths like that when i get consumed in my current situations (whatever they may be)...i get overwhelmed with the here/now and forget that i don't have to be...HE has it all under control, HE knows what's going on, and HE is my refuge....he's here with me every second of everyday.....(random insert...when i think of Him as a refuge i see a tree, a great big tree standing in the middle of a field, one that you would run to for shade, to escape from the rain, or just to get away from everything)

know what's cool?? He's there when i fall asleep with the lamp on and my bedroom door locked b/c i'm afraid of my creaky house....he's there when i read for hours in the sun room...he's there when i sell knives and he's there when i become frustrated over having no appointments....he's even there when i talk to my fish.....and he protects me and lifts my burdens every step of the way

yeah ya'll (there's that accent) know that ugh...i'm the worry, stress, and spaz queen at times and i get frustrated with myself when i don't do something right the first time or don't get a concept right away.....and remember those different faces of God that i mentioned earlier?? Let me list them....so far God can be trusted completely, God loves me, and now....He's my refuge here in WV and everywhere, for that matter....and now the spaz queen is going to let go and rest in the glorious shade of God's branches

....the end

on the eve of a rather large occurence

so i'm moving in about 9.5 hours....moving to a state that i've never been to before; a state that's the punchline in a gazillion jokes.....what in the world is my family thinking??

i don't think we were thinking....fortunately HE always is....

lately i've started getting excited (guiltily so) about leaving this comfortable life in MI...i mean, i'm connected here...i have friends that make and serve my fav mocha, cut my hair, slip me free cinnamon twists, and hook me up with any schwann's food i could ask for....i seem to know every back road and alternate route in this county and know where the police usually sit and where they don't...i have a church family that has seen me grow up from an awkward 5th grader to, well, a slightly-less awkward college kid; and they care about me and know what i'm capable of and what they can count on me for....i can't go into walmart without seeing at least one person that i know.....this is where my grandparents and my parents grew up and i'm related to seriously half the county (the amish half anyways) :P

and in 9.5 hours, i'm leaving it all and going to city in Northern West Virginia to start a new life...true, i'll be back in MI occasionally, but it's almost as if i don't belong here anymore...i love the people that i know, and i love seeing them...but lately i've been feeling misplaced...almost as if i need to go somewhere else and do something different

i'm excited about what God has planned for my fam in one of the biggest hick states in America...True, i'm nervous about finding a job and a church that i can be used in; i'm slightly terrified of having to navigate and drive in a new city that has bizarre narrow roads, hardly any street signs, and more traffic than i'm used to (i've heard accounts from my parents....ack, i hope i don't crash and die); and i'm more than adament about not acquiring a certain accent that people associate with that part of the country...but mostly i'm excited that God is re-locating us and letting the Wickey's strike again....we all have talents and strengths and i just know that a church in Morgantown has a place for us to use those talents again

(sigh) so to those whom i'm leaving in MI....i'm going to miss you, BUT be excited for me and keep my family and myself in your prayers....granted, we've done this 3 times before, but i have a feeling this move is going to be a little different....however, God is moving us there, so i'm trusting that He'll take care of all the little particulars....The end

a sluggard's tale

so i like to do the daily proverb thing....you know, read the proverb that corresponds with the date (as proverbs has 31 chapters) and i was reading it last night and had, what i feel, an amazing insight into one of the verses.....i've read it so many times before (as i try to read proverbs once a month) but this time it just stood out to me...and i love it when that happens

"A sluggard buries his hand into the dish,
He is too lazy to bring it back to his mouth"-Prov. 26:15

So basically...the sluggard had something good; so good that he buried his hand in it...yet he was too lazy to use what he had....he had it but was too lazy to eat it and be satisfied

and then it hit me

are we like that?? we have something good, God's given each of us gifts, but are we too lazy to take our hand out of the bowl and put it use?? (so to speak). yes it takes effort to use those gifts, without having to try i honestly think we'd get bored...but we have it nonetheless, God's given it to us and our hand is buried in it....but, well...you get the picture

idk it seems that recently (within the last few months) i've thought about all that he's blessed me with and how i'm using it (or not using it, sadly) and you know...i come up with excuses right and left...such as the fact that i don't a car and that makes it hard to get involved in a church and that i spend a lot of time studying, etc. so i don't "have time" and all that jazz....but sadly i'm just like the sluggard at times....too lazy....waiting for an opportunity to fall into my lap

we should look for opportunities to use our gifts for him....practically jump through hoops to use what he's given us for his glory....(sigh) and sometimes....we'd rather watch tv or be online or..fill in the blank....

so basically....this is not a "i'm such a horrible person" rant...but rather, now that i've looked around and realized what i haven't been doing, i'm going to try to improve and i'd encourage anyone reading this to do the same thing.....what have you done today for God?? i mean...he created us to bear fruit...are we?? a