valentines day revelation

And here it is,v-day....at one point or another, every woman has dreaded this day....

for me this v-day is more bitter than it is sweet...it's the first one in 3 years that i haven't had "someone special" to celebrate it with; that, coupled with a stressful homework load for the past week, has sparked my cynical and bitter side ( most of you know this side well, it comes out every year at one point or another) don't get me wrong, even with someone to celebrate with, i still dislike this day with all of it's cliche red and pink hearts and obnoxious couples that use this day to be even MORE obnoxious (frustrated sigh).....

but this year, though i am wearing all black today, i've had a relevation... one that wasn't too welcome, a wake-up call, if you will

the reason that this last week/today has been so bitter for me was b/c i've been placing so much emphasis on people and looking for "love" in all the wrong places...once again i've turned away from the only one who has always loved me, told him he wasn't good enough, and searched else-where....doesn't sound too nice does it?? it's really hard to feel an overwhelming love for someone whom you can't see...especially b/c as a girl i like to be held and complimented and...noticed...and well, when someone's invisible, it's hard to physically feel all of those things

i don't think i'm the only woman who struggles to really claim and dwell in God's all-surpassing love...especiallly when it's so easy to place someone in HIS place and focus all of your energy on pleasing that person and being that person's "special someone".....unfortunately, when that happens (and it has happened many times), that person let's me down...something that God would never and has never done

Tthis school year was the first time that i've felt content being single and waiting for God's best, i surrendered all of that part of me completely to him.. it was the first time i've actually felt a tangible love from God and have known that THAT love is enough for me right now...though, recently i've really struggled with keeping in close touch with him and relishing in the love that he showers on me everday...i've lost sight of all the marvelous things that he does for me....i've stopped reading his love notes and have fallen out of touch

basically i treated God like women treat men whom they plan on breaking up with....

yeah...whoa, wake up call....nobody wants to "break up" with the one person who will never let them down, never leave them, and who will always love them....

So it hit me....instead of focusing on all the tangible and annoying things that this day brings, i should focus on the fact that i am loved, i am wanted, i am "someone special" to someone infinitely more important this year; and i have been special to him since the day he created me. While i'm certainly not getting a dozen roses from him; he let me wake up this morning, he provided a warm place for me to sleep, he created me in his image, he's given me amazing friends, and he knows all of my faults, quirks, and annoying/frustrating habits and still loves me....

This revelation hasn't taken away the obnoxiousness of the obvious couples, nor has it diminished my loathing of all things pink/red today. But it has reminded me of what is most important and that, in turn, has lightened my mood tremendously, even to the point where i find myself smiling randomly at nothing at all...