royalty or otherwise

this morning was the first time ever that i went to work instead of to church on a sunday.....i didn't like it....in the last few days i've really struggled with the fact that i have no friends here, i know my neighbors and they're great, i know equally great coworkers...but i don't spend excessive amounts of time (by that i mean more than...30 min) with any of them on a regular basis...and i'm the type of person who loves being around people that i care about; true, if i spend TOO much time around them then i need a small period of hibernation, but on a whole, my soul is nourished when i'm around others that i care about and who love jesus just as much as i do.....this is why i've been wilting lately...oh yes, i've been emotional and have eaten more food than i physically thought possible...those of you who know me really well know that well, for the most part, my tear-ducts exist merely for eye-cleansing purposes, they're rarely used for crying; but during the last few days i've cried over tv commercials, parts in movies that aren't supposed to be cried over, and just randomly while driving to and from work...i know, i need some friends here, and fast....this whole "living alone in an empty house thing" isn't my cup of tea

but anways that really had nothing to do with the overall post :-P (sorry) but it was more of a "hello this is what is happening in case you miss me and are wondering" and it gives the reason for why i went to a random church service tonight in a church that i've never been to before....i was sooo starved for christian companionship that when i saw that this church had an evening college service i emailed a link given on their website, found out that it didn't extend into the summer b/c their college student population dropped drastically, but went anyways to the other evening service that they offered,there was around 20 ppl there b/c it's memorial day weekend and i was the youngest one but anyways...the sermon is what got my attention...lol yes, here is my message, finally

tonight the speaker spoke on the fear of God, something that i hadn't put too much thought into recently...often i prefer to think about the facets of God that i like, the ones that bring a warm, fuzzy feeling and make me feel safe....God is love, God is my refuge, God forgives all sins, God has a plan, God thinks i'm beautiful...etc etc...but tonight i was hit with a facet of God that i often neglect to acknowledge...God is my king

so...i've heard that from kindergarten up....*insert child voices singing* "He is the king of the Jungle, He is the king of the Sea, He is the king of everything, and He is the king of ME"....ok so that was a song we sang...lol and it had clever motions and was fun but i often don't think of God as a real king...not as what i've seen kings to be...i often think of him as more of a professor, complete with a white beard, glasses, pipe, crow's feet, and a scholarly looking sweater....but no, God is a King Arthur figure complete with white horse and huge sword (j/k that might not be an accurate picture) BUT he does have a huge throne that he sits on...so there

i'm getting sidetracked, let me just copy from the notes i took....lol that might stop the ramblings and verbal images...*ahem*....and..go...

-Never forget who God is, and who you are....when you pray, you are coming before the creator and ruler of the universe, the all powerful God who controls all things and STILL wants a relationship with you...Never forget that he hates all sin and views it all on the same level, he wants you to truly repent and turn away from whatever it is that's distracting you from him....he doesn't "let things slide" or "let things go b/c he loves you", there are consequences to everything....Never forget that God is in control....You are the clay and HE is the potter; he shapes you, you don't get to give advice (that's in romans somewhere, i just read it last night or something but can't remember the verse)...you don't cajole him into doing your will, you do his...you change your plans, don't make him change his

The fear of God isn't about living in terror of being struck by lightning or being "non-blessed" and/or shoved away from the heavenly throne...it's about changing the way we do things...instead of "fitting God into our schedule", we should completely revolve our schedules around him......instead of "leaving him in the car" (of course he's not literally there) when we go to work or out with friends or otherwise, he should be attached to us by the hip...instead of making plans and then asking him to bless them, we should wait for him to make the plans and then follow them....

see, lol i have a hard time with that last one b/c i feel that i'm more efficient than God lol...i get things done and get to places in a timely manner and when he's at the steering wheel, we seem to hit every single red light and/or get stuck in bumper to bumper traffic for hours....lol i take a direct route and he takes a scenic one.....and for some reason, yes, i'm in a hurry, and i don't know why...lol some ppl are slow movers and think about things thoroughly, i, however, get things done and work by impulse... lol it hasn't worked out for me as much as i would have liked it to but that's neither here nor there...

What really struck me the most, besides all those things which stepped on my toes a bit, was that while God is our redeemer, friend, refuge, savior, etc etc...he is also our King and we should be in complete awe of him...often i find myself treating him like a waiter rather than a king...."hey God, umm... can you bless this decision that i haven't prayed about yet...i just thought it'd save time for me make it and then have you bless it real quick like, and while you're at it, umm...i need some money because my friends and i want to go see that movie that you probably won't like...oh yeah and i'm coughing today so if you could get to that too, that'd be great".....and while, he does care about the little things like money and sickness....he also deserves to have me asking "what can i do for you today God?? what do you want accomplished?? who do you want me to reach out to today?? where can i use my gifts?? You want me to be uncomfortable for a bit??...ok i can do that...anything for you King Jesus...anything for you"

the end